Today I would like to discuss two other myths about forgiveness discussed in the book "Could It Be This Simple?". These are myths that hamper people's abilities to reap the benefits of forgiveness and cause them to hold on to their hurt and pain.Again here goes the disclaimer.
Disclaimer: The words below are not mine originally, I'm offering a recap of some of the concepts presented, paraphrasing and using direct quotes from the book. I hope I am not breaking any copyright laws by doing this, and if somebody finds that I am please notify me immediately and I will take the post down.
Myth: Forgiveness Means Restored Trust.
Imagine a woman whose husband has cheated on her several times. Each time that is has happened the husband runs to his church minister, and the minister comes talk to her about how she needs to forgive him, talks to her about how is genuinely sorry, the husband confesses his sins, and promises to never, ever do that again to her. She takes him back and he continues to do the same thing over and over. Would forgiving him mean that she needs to keep trusting him even after he has shown her plenty of evidence that he can not be trusted?
As we previously talked, forgiving somebody changes the offended person. It uproots their resentment and bitterness out of their mind restoring balance. Forgiving, however, does not mean we need to trust the offender once again. We can only trust them once their character changes and they become trustworthy.
Dr. Jennings explains there are two types of mistrust.
1. The mistrust you feel around people that are malevolent, evil, that you know are set out to do bad. To most people is very clear that people like this can not be trusted. A good example of this would maybe be Osama Bin Laden.
He explains that most people get stuck on that level of trust and feel guilty and expose themselves to undue hurt because they do not believe there was a malevolent intent on the offender's part and they keep trusting them. And this brings us to the second type of mistrust.
2. The mistrust you should feel around people that even though do not have evil in their hearts, are not mature or responsible enough to be trusted.
It is very confusing to deal with people like this, because they are sincere in their confessing. At the moment they are confessing they could even pass a lie detector test. They really mean it and feel sorry for having offended you, and they did not intend to do you harm, but they have not developed a mature character, therefore can not be trusted with the responsibility.
Genuine forgiveness does not require us to put ourselves at the mercy of people that cannot be trusted. We need to look at their nature and the evidences they have provided about their character. We can forgive them but know they are not trustworthy.
There is one other myth I find closely relates to this one.
Myth: Forgiveness Means Forgetting
"Forgive and Forget", the old saying goes. Many people believe than in order to forgive they have to be willing to forget. In other words, pretend that nothing bad happened. They use passages from the Bible to explain that this is what God does with our sins.
Imagine a woman whose husband has cheated on her several times. Each time that is has happened the husband runs to his church minister, and the minister comes talk to her about how she needs to forgive him, talks to her about how is genuinely sorry, the husband confesses his sins, and promises to never, ever do that again to her. She takes him back and he continues to do the same thing over and over. Would forgiving him mean that she needs to keep trusting him even after he has shown her plenty of evidence that he can not be trusted?
As we previously talked, forgiving somebody changes the offended person. It uproots their resentment and bitterness out of their mind restoring balance. Forgiving, however, does not mean we need to trust the offender once again. We can only trust them once their character changes and they become trustworthy.
Dr. Jennings explains there are two types of mistrust.
1. The mistrust you feel around people that are malevolent, evil, that you know are set out to do bad. To most people is very clear that people like this can not be trusted. A good example of this would maybe be Osama Bin Laden.
He explains that most people get stuck on that level of trust and feel guilty and expose themselves to undue hurt because they do not believe there was a malevolent intent on the offender's part and they keep trusting them. And this brings us to the second type of mistrust.
2. The mistrust you should feel around people that even though do not have evil in their hearts, are not mature or responsible enough to be trusted.
It is very confusing to deal with people like this, because they are sincere in their confessing. At the moment they are confessing they could even pass a lie detector test. They really mean it and feel sorry for having offended you, and they did not intend to do you harm, but they have not developed a mature character, therefore can not be trusted with the responsibility.
Genuine forgiveness does not require us to put ourselves at the mercy of people that cannot be trusted. We need to look at their nature and the evidences they have provided about their character. We can forgive them but know they are not trustworthy.
There is one other myth I find closely relates to this one.
Myth: Forgiveness Means Forgetting
"Forgive and Forget", the old saying goes. Many people believe than in order to forgive they have to be willing to forget. In other words, pretend that nothing bad happened. They use passages from the Bible to explain that this is what God does with our sins.
The Bible says: “I am who blots out your sins, and remembers them no more.” Isaiah 43:35. “I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.” Hebrews 8:12 “I will forgive their wickedness and I will never again remember their sins.” Jeremiah 31:34
Does this mean that unless we erase from our memory the wrongs done against us, we are not truly forgiving? Does it mean that God applies Jesus’ blood to our record and it becomes a magic eraser that instantly erases our sins? Of course not. God does not change and His memory can not be erased. God “forgets” our sins in the sense that once he has forgiven us He will not use our sins as evidence against us.
The same way when dealing with our relationships true forgiveness does not require literal memory erasure, it means the transgression is not relevant to the relationship and no special precautions are needed. Of course, this can only happen if the offender has become trustworthy and reconciliation (forgiveness + repentance) has taken place.
Dr. Jennings believes the notion that God forgets our sins from His memory comes from a misunderstanding regarding the judgment. Many of us have always been taught that when the time of the judgment comes, God will take a look at our records and none of the transgressions we have confessed will appear, Jesus name will appear in their place.
Most likely, what will happen at judgment time is something like this, Satan will stand in front of God and accuse us of all the bad things that we have done. God will look at our record and say something like this: “The historical facts you are stating are correct, but they are no longer relevant because Ileana now has a new heart and a new spirit, she is no longer practicing your methods, and she is coming home with me.”
When the Pharisees were complaining about Mary Magdalene washing Jesus’ feet, Jesus stated that “those who are forgiven much, love much” If we do not remember our sins, we will not have a reason to love much. In Revelations is stated that we will sing a song of our experiences, if we do not remember them, we will not have too much to sing about. Once we are healed we will still remember the history of our illness, but it will just add to our appreciation of God for the special efforts He devoted to us.
Does this mean that unless we erase from our memory the wrongs done against us, we are not truly forgiving? Does it mean that God applies Jesus’ blood to our record and it becomes a magic eraser that instantly erases our sins? Of course not. God does not change and His memory can not be erased. God “forgets” our sins in the sense that once he has forgiven us He will not use our sins as evidence against us.
The same way when dealing with our relationships true forgiveness does not require literal memory erasure, it means the transgression is not relevant to the relationship and no special precautions are needed. Of course, this can only happen if the offender has become trustworthy and reconciliation (forgiveness + repentance) has taken place.
Dr. Jennings believes the notion that God forgets our sins from His memory comes from a misunderstanding regarding the judgment. Many of us have always been taught that when the time of the judgment comes, God will take a look at our records and none of the transgressions we have confessed will appear, Jesus name will appear in their place.
Most likely, what will happen at judgment time is something like this, Satan will stand in front of God and accuse us of all the bad things that we have done. God will look at our record and say something like this: “The historical facts you are stating are correct, but they are no longer relevant because Ileana now has a new heart and a new spirit, she is no longer practicing your methods, and she is coming home with me.”
When the Pharisees were complaining about Mary Magdalene washing Jesus’ feet, Jesus stated that “those who are forgiven much, love much” If we do not remember our sins, we will not have a reason to love much. In Revelations is stated that we will sing a song of our experiences, if we do not remember them, we will not have too much to sing about. Once we are healed we will still remember the history of our illness, but it will just add to our appreciation of God for the special efforts He devoted to us.
Next week I will discuss the rest of the forgiveness myths presented in the book.
Have a good Tuesday!
No comments:
Post a Comment