Give me a D! D.e.p.r.e.s.s.i.o.n.

I do not openly discuss it with many people, but depression and anxiety is something I have struggled with for many years if not all of my adult life. I have tried psychotherapy as well as medication and sometimes I find relief, sometimes I do not.

If you suffer from depression, you know there is nothing fun about it. You become somebody you do not like and do not want to be and it affects those close to you. It normally just comes and goes. There are periods of time when it does not bother me at all or at least I get enough breaks in between bouts that I can deal with it. Other times it feels like it takes over my life and does not let me go. This year is one of those times I have not been able to shake it off. It intensified as my mom’s death anniversary approached back in January and I have yet to bounce back. For some reason it also gets worse when the holidays are approaching.

It has now lasted long enough that I am thinking about maybe trying medication again. The last time I tried medication, I did not find it helped that much. I went off it cold turkey and experienced some bad withdrawal symptoms. It has been about three years, and I have been dragging my feet about getting back on them.

For some people is hard to understand depression or even admit they suffer from it. One good example is my father. Since my mom passed away, he has struggled emotionally. We all see it, but he refuses to get any help for it. He believes, as many Christians do, that all you have to do is put your trust in God, or improve your relationship with Him and “snap” yourself out of it. I don’t doubt for one second that trusting and having a good relationship with God can only bring positive things into your life and is especially important when you are going through a dark period. However, I also believe that depression has less to do with your relationship with God or others and more to do with physical problems and chemical imbalances in your body.

I do not know why I am talking about this here, except that I am learning that it is best to expose those things about you that bring a feeling of shame to your life. When you speak out your shame, it helps you get rid of it. I know some people have this image of me that I am always on top of things, or have things all figured out. I apologize for shattering that picture of me :)

In the bottom of my heart, I know things eventually are going to be OK. I know I am not alone and that many people face these types of problems. Would you send some prayers on my behalf? If you are facing a similar situation, it would be my pleasure to return the favor.