Ready, Set, Don't Go

“We need, in love, to practice only this: letting each other go. For holding on comes easily; we do not need to learn it.”  Rainer Marie Rilker.

My sixteen-year-old daughter left on Wednesday on a mission trip to Nicaragua.  Today I have been reflecting on the subject of motherhood – perhaps because I know she is doing –just fine- without me.  Being a mother is hard. You experience such a wide range of emotions – triumphs and disappointments.  Just when you think you have your life balanced and it is going to be smooth sailing you find yourself in the midst of stormy seas again.  I am having a hard time just standing back and letting her start to break away from me.  It is a concept that goes against my motherly instinct of keeping them close to me.

As she was growing up I've always told her she can be anything she sets her mind to.  I wanted to make sure I wasn't transferring to her my fears of this "big bad world". Actually, I had to push her a little to go on this trip.  I encouraged her to take risks but it was all under my watchful eye.

However, now that she is starting to spread her wings and want to start carving her own path, I'm not sure I like it.  It is beautiful to see the wonderful young woman she is turning out to be.  I'm happy that she starting to feel more confident and happy away from me.  But I'm experiencing many contradicting feelings - happy and sad.  Beautiful, but oh so terrifying!

Last night Natalie and I decided to sleep in Kaitlin's room because we missed her so much.  Natalie was watching an episode of Hannah Montana on Netflix and it was about this subject of letting your kids start to fly on their own.  I'm not a big fan of Hannah Montana, but I have to admit I got watery eyes when Miley's dad started singing to her the song "Ready, Set, Don't Go".

"She's gotta do what she's gotta do

And I've gotta like it or not

She's got dreams too big for this town

And she needs to give 'em a shot

Whatever they are...

... I painted this big ol' smile on my face
To hide my broken heart
If only she knew...

...She's waitin' on my blessings 'fore she hits that open road
Baby get ready, get set, don't go.

There is this quote that I think sums up our job as parents:

I'm finding that giving them roots is much easier than giving them wings.

She Reads... [A.Lot.]

"I can read in red. I can read in blue.
I can read in pickle color too.

I can read in bed [or in a tree], and in purple, and in brown.
I can read in a circle and upside down. 

I can read with my left eye.
I can read with my right.
I can read Mississippi with my eyes shut tight.

There are so many things you can learn about, but
You’ll miss the best things if you keep your eyes shut.

  The more that you read, the more things you will know.
The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go. 

If you read with your eyes shut, you’re likely to find
That the place where you’re going is far, far behind.

So that’s why I tell you to keep your eyes wide,
Keep them wide open ... at least on one side!"

Credits: Dr. Seuss "I Can Read With My Eyes Shut"

Fourteen

My firstborn turned 14.

This means several things:

a) I'm getting old

b) The teenage years are definitely here

c) She is noticing boys... Heaven help me.

d) Unlimited texting is the only way to go.

e) Only four more years before the college years.

We had a small celebration at home for family and a few friends the week before.

   

She is a wonderful girl, this girl of mine!

 Here is to many, many more birthdays, and happy moments spent with you!

Bedroom Makeover - Full Reveal

She came, She saw, She loved!  She got right down to work! And now I hope she keeps in this shape [grin].

Here is the view as you enter the room.

The view from the desk area. (I still have to hang the K on the wall)

The view from the bed.

.
The view from the dresser

So, what was the damage? My lips are sealed since my husband reads my blog from time to time [grin].  Considering that most of the furniture and accessories are brand new it was pretty reasonable and seeing her reaction, totally worth it.


Some Links:

Bed and Dresser were bought HERE

Bedding was bought HERE

Lamp, Lounge chair, ottoman, and rug were bought HERE

Drawer cart was bought HERE

Teen Daughter's Bedroom Makeover - Sneak Peek

I am truly bursting at the seams with excitement to show you what I have been working on for the last week!

As I posted here, I decided to re-do both girls’ bedrooms while they were away visiting their grandparents. My plans didn’t include anything too complicated, I wanted to just give the walls a fresh coat of paint and change the look of things a little bit, and mainly using things I already had. If you know me, you are probably giggling, because you know that I don’t know how to do “simple”. I’m a sucker for over thinking things and making them as complicated as possible.


Natie’s Room took a lot more effort than I had intended and set me back a whole week. Once she returned, I was not able to continue putting every free minute I had into the “project” so I found myself with less than two weeks to pull off Kaitlin’s room. I wasn’t too worried because I thought I had things under control. I knew the paint color I was going to use and the furniture pieces I was going to get.


A couple trips to IKEA and Lowe’s and I had the room painted and the (very heavy) furniture on the hallway waiting to be put together. I also had a hands me down bedding set I was planning on using and a cute desk and chair I found on Craig’s list. So it was just a matter of putting everything together and getting it done, right? WRONG…


The trip to IKEA did me in. My eyes were opened to all the beautiful possibilities and my imagination started going into overdrive. Wouldn’t it be nice to find a cute bedding set with brighter colors than what I had planned on using? And this is when I made the first slip-up… I went to the Pottery Barn Teen website looking for inspiration. Big, big mistake! Once you look at a Pottery Barn catalog, everything else pales in comparison.

I was stopped on my tracks! What do I do now? How could I go back to using this bedding?

It was at this point that I made the worst mistake of them all… I sent my teenage daughter a link to the Pottery Barn website and asked her opinion as to what things attracted her. Of course, I also included the disclaimer that this didn’t mean I was going to get one of those sets; I was just looking for ideas as far as color combinations and styles she might like.


Her response surprised me. My normally subdued daughter was thinking in brighter colors than I would have thought she liked.

And so the hunt began, for the perfect bedding set, and the perfect bedroom look, all within a not so perfect budget. In the midst of this all I was blessed with a visit from my interior design muse. Unfortunately,she was also my enabler [grin]. Many shopping trips later and several additional visits to the ATM machine, it all came together. I am so pleased and excited for Kaitlin to see it! I still have to put a couple finishing touches, but for the most part it is done!


Without further ado I present to you the BEFORE shot.

Here are some snapshots of the new look. I don’t want to show the complete room yet because she reads my blog and I want her to at least be surprised as to how it all looks together. She does not tolerate surprises well, so I have shown her bits and pieces of the transformation, but she will at least have to wait to see how it all looks together.


Here is a peek at the new bedding set.

Her new dresser area.

One of my favorite spots in her room, her desk area.

I love how this wall area came together.

After the room resident sees it I will make sure and post a picture of how it all looks together. A BIG hug and thank you kiss goes to my cousin for her creative contributions, the endless hours spent hunting for just the perfect accessories, and the long nights helping me put it all together. H, it wouldn’t have come out this great without your help.

Sunday in the Windy City

The birthday girl requested lunch at The Cheesecake Factory. So that is what she got!

Stuffed and slightly nauseous after gorging on cheesecake goodness we did some walking and window-shopping. We walked around Michigan Avenue and visited Navy Pier. It was a beautiful day! We wrapped up the fun day with an hour of video games playing at Dave and Buster.

It was a fun outing but after almost 7 hours, we were all glad to pile back into the car to drive the two hours back home. We made it back a little bit after 10 PM, with blistered feet but happy hearts.

Happy Birthday Kaitlin, we were glad to enjoy the day with you!

To My Daughter

My Dear Kaitlin,

Happy 13th birthday! You seem so much older than you did a year ago. I remember this day 13 years ago very clearly. Looking at you, wondering what I have gotten myself into. Would I be able to handle being your mom?

You are undergoing so many changes and transitions this year and you are taking me along for the ride. I hope we can stay close and continue learning to understand each other. I have lived in this world a little over 30 years longer than you. I would love to be able to share my life experiences with you and guide you as you make your own path in life.

One thing I wished for when I was a teenager was to be able to be closer to my mom and feel comfortable telling her what I was going through. I want you to know that you can tell me everything and anything. Really, there is nothing you could say or do that I wouldn’t be able to deal with. Don’t try to protect my feelings. Bring up any questions you might have about boys, sex, drugs, alcohol. I always try to be as open as possible with you. I rather you have too much information than too little. I might not have all the answers but I can certainly “Google it” [grin]. When it is obvious (and sometimes not so obvious) that I am making a mistake, don’t be afraid to let me know. I am trying hard to “grow up” into the mother you need me to be.

Give your daddy a chance to get close to you. He loves you so much! I feel I would have been a happier teenager if I would have been closer to my dad and free to trust him. Your dad and I have a lot of differences, but we love you in the same way and are equally proud of the wonderful young lady you are becoming.

Kaitlin, can you believe in just five short years you will be graduating from High School? We should start planning your Open House already [grin]. I love sharing a love for organizing events with you. Not only are you an amazing helper you also bring great ideas of your own. I love reading the books you are into. I am so grateful you share your school experiences with us. I hope we continue to find things we can share.

I know we fight sometimes or have different opinions, but that should not stop us from being close. Look at me and your aunts [grin], or me and daddy [grin]. Even if we don’t agree I want you to know that I am your most enthusiastic supporter. No one (except God) is probably going to love you more!

I could go on and on letting you know my feelings and hopes for you. I don’t have enough words to tell you how happy I am to have you as my thirteen year old daughter. You are a beautiful child of God; always remember to give all the glory to Him.

Love, Mami

Oh, The Faces You Make

And I love them all!

Girls Stats

Picture taken from HERE

I took both girls for well checks yesterday. It is funny to see they are moving in opposite directions on the growth chart.

At 12 years and 8 months, Kaitlin is 83.5 pounds (19th percentile) and 59 inches tall (20th percentile). She had been a resident of the 5th percentile for most of her life so it is nice to see she is picking up some speed.

Natalie at 6 years and 4 months is 54.6 pounds (82nd percentile) and 49 inches tall (90th percentile). This is a little step down for Natalie who had resided in the 99th – 95th percentile for the first 5 years of her life.

They might just meet each other in the middle and stay there [grin].

Good Riddance 2009

"An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves."

~Bill Vaughan

I stayed up to make sure it was gone.

Good riddance 2009.

You were hard on me.

I am praying for a much brighter 2010.

Although it was a tough year, with many challenges and moments of stress, I realize I am still blessed and God was with me every step of the way.

I put this video together with snapshots of the girls during 2009. They were the brightest spot in my life.

2009 Snapshots from Ileana Segui on Vimeo.

Conflicted Emotions

[As we are coming in the house from swimming lessons]

"Mama, do we need drama in our lives?"

[grin] "No, Natalie, I guess we don't need drama in our lives"

"That's what I thought... but I still miss Kaitlin"

[insert big laugh from mom]

She is one funny girl. She misses Kaitlin so much when she is not here, but at the same time enjoys the not having to continuously bargain and compromise for things at home.

Kaitlin has been gone since Sunday on a school retreat and I have to admit that without the tension of having to get her to school on time we have been getting out of the house late these last two mornings. As we got in the car this morning, Natalie mumbled "we need Kaitlin to be able to get to school on time..." and then she smiled at me and said "but at least nobody is yelling at us that we are going to be late".

However, don't let her fool you into thinking she does not like routines. Both mornings, she has left the car crying because since we have gotten to school later than normal she is supposed to go straight to her classroom and not wait in the gym for the bell to ring and that causes her great confusion.

This afternoon, while having her snack, she told me "tomorrow, let's pretend Kaitlin is here and leave for school on time".

Great idea, Natalie!

Back-to-School

I am going to see if I can stay awake long enough to write this post down. I am falling asleep already after getting up at 5:45AM this morning. I tried to go out walking, but it was so dark and foggy, I got spooked and was only able to go around the subdivision once. (Yes, I am that paranoid at times). I ended up doing some stretches and doing some Wii Fit.

The morning was uneventful and we left for school according to plan. Both girls were a little nervous so they were acting extra silly on the way to school. Once there things got a little more hectic since the school changed a bit their system on first day of school.


While standing in line with Natalie, I overhead another mom say that there were two first grade classrooms. I panicked because I had called the school last week to confirm and they told me then they were still planning to have just one classroom.

I left Natalie in line and went to the office to find out what class she was in and sure enough, she had been assigned to the new teacher's classroom. I felt bad giving the school officials more stress on such a hectic day, but I just knew Natalie would have a meltdown if she was not with the teacher she was expecting. We had worked with her during the summer preparing her for first grade with Ms. Y.


Luckily, by the time she came into the classroom, things had been taken care of. She showed a little bit of nerves, when the teacher told her to go sit at one of the desks with no name, but handled herself pretty well. I went to the other classroom, took her name sticker, and put it on her desk and that made her feel much better. I snapped a picture of her and then she shoo me out of the classroom.

Here is my cute First Grader


With all this last minute commotion, I was not able to go and see Kaitlin in her classroom. I peeked in the gym while they were waiting to go to class and she looked content talking to her friends. She struggled all summer feeling anxious about starting 7th grade and wondering if she was going to be OK to the point of wishing classes would start so she could get it over with. When I picked her up this afternoon, she was all smiles and feeling good about things.


Another school year, another milestone in both girls' lives. I hope their year is full of good times and amazing experiences.


P.S. This afternoon I was reading through some blogs and found this quote by another mom talking about her kids first day of school and how she tries to foster independence so they grow strong “The easiest way to make life hard on your children is to make it soft for them”. Kind of made me re-think my whole meddling this morning changing classrooms, etc. :) It is hard to stop yourself sometimes from trying to make their life as easy as possible. Isn’t it?